The closest thing to crazy when I don't know what I feel and how I should react to different situations. I am not even capable to keep my own promises, so why bother judging other people for not keeping theirs? I'm a hypocrite and I'm starting to feel comfortable with it. And it's sad, for me and for those around me.
Once, I loved winters. I loved the smell of frost, the Christmas carols had a different impact on me, I loved to stay in the house with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands and once I felt good without doing anything specific. But for two years I don't feel the same about winter. I still keep in my soul the memory of it, the fact that once I loved it and I still hope that maybe this winter will be different, in a good way, because I'm sick of bad winters.
I want to blame something or someone for the absence of my feelings and don't want to be the one blamed because I want everything to be perfect...it's just that it isn't.
And sometimes i feel that I'm very close to crazy. I should wake up and realize that I worry for problems that aren't important and I'm ignoring the ones that really matter for me and my future.
But what if I won't be able to wake up, would it be someone there to wake me up?